Everyone wants to feel love and to be loved <3. But sometimes, we are single and it seems that no one will ever like us again. This leads me to conclude that single people are just a little bit desperate.
I am talking here from experience. I am an ultimate single person. My longest relationship was for 2,5 years, and I get into on and off in different relationships on a regular basis. I blame my lifestyle for this. I travel a lot so I cannot settle at any one place long enough to find a partner. Or maybe I am just destined to be forever single…
I mean, based on my observation, there are two types of people. These who are these who are always single and these who are constantly in relationships. These who are always single have a very hard time getting into relationships, even if they want to, and even if they are outstanding people (as I like to think myself to be). They just don’t know how to do it. And when finally they have found one, they break it off for whatever reason!
Oppositely, people who are constantly in relationships are great getting new relationships and keeping them going for long-term. They may have unfulfilling and dysfunctional relationships, but they will stay in them for a long run. They may even be in a relationship with someone is nothing like their so-called “matching” or “perfect” partners, and they may even know it, and still they will keep that relationship going. And, finally, when these people get single, they may say that they want to try to be single and to sleep around, but sooner rather than later, some other person will come into their lives and they are back into another several years relationship. They are just bad being single and great being in relationships.
And there is nothing wrong being in a relationship or in being alone. Both are great, and personally, when I am single I want to be in a relationship, and when I am in a relationship, I want to be single. Anyone else can relate to this?
Still, single people feel a little bit desperate. This is referring to long-term, rather than short-term. I mean, in a short-term they can meet new people and sleep around. But in a long-term, they may feel like something, or rather someone is missing.
Several reasons contribute to this disconnect. Most important, in my opinion, is the high expectations society puts on being in relationships and making them work. Thus, we praise people who can stay together all their lives, often forgetting the hidden tensions that people may be experiencing in these relationships. The truth, of course, is that no one is 100% compatible. This is why we need to have friends and a life outside our relationships. We need them to find completion in parts of life where our partners can’t help us. This is just part of life. We may want our partners to be perfect, but we are not perfect, and therefore we cannot demand perfection from anyone else.
We also forget that relationship is an outdated concept, which comes from back in a day when being in a relationship was essential for our survival. In fact, back in the day people formed relationships for other reasons than love. They did it for reasons like to unite families, get power, and prevent conflict and wars. Nowadays, however, people we are pretty much independent and start relationships because of emotions. If our partners have some physical attributes with which they can help us, then great! But if there are no positive emotions, it will be hard to start a relationship. Simply said, we don’t need anyone else to take care of us, as we can buy pretty much everything on the market. This is probably the reason why we have 50% divorce rate in marriages. Or why I am single and desperate, most of the time.
I mean, why is it so hard to find a partner? We may say that it is hard because sometimes we can be single for month or years being single. Maybe we just have not found the right person. May there is only one person for us out there and we are just looking for them, thus ending in these short-term relationships. But, we can be compatible with many people, and different people will fulfill us in a different way. Thus, one person myth is just a myth, as therwise, it would take a lifetime for us to find a partner. And most people find them not so far from home. I guess, we just have to be open and to keep on looking.
As for desperation, negative emotions are part of life. We should not try to get rid of negative emotions. We should, however, get certain parts of our lives in order so we can move on to taking care of other parts of life as well, such as money, emotional health, goals, health and so on. To find a perfect partner we also have to be a better partner. Thus, we need practice, patience, and trust in ourselves.
If you liked this post, chapter 6 of my upcoming book is all about Relationships. Relationships are indeed one of the four fundamental pillars of life. I go into detail in them also in the book, which I invite you to read following this link: